i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
