So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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