:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
