Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
