I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
