hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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