Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
