the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
