i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
