My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
