they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
