You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
