oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
