Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
