I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
