No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
