Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
