She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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