i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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