God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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