I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
