put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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