Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
