Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize
