Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
