unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
