you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
