When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
