TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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