You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
