Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
