WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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