it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
