Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
