When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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