how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
