it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
