friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Are my feet made of real feet?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
