I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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