i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
