She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
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