Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
you made out with another girl for some wings
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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