So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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