the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
