I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
