I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
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