My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I would fuck him just for his dog
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
