I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Sorry my hands just texted you
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
