that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My dick has a subreddit
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
