You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
