i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
im holly from the hills drunk
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
