I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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