his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
